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A Spectacular Speculation

from The Spectaculator by Blake Hobson

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about

This is the climax of the album, and quite a long one it is.
In this one, we find out why the Spectaculator has been being chased by the Creep (and also kinda the Ominous) this whole time. This song also kept crashing my computer ... probably because of the kazoo solo.

lyrics

Now let me tell you a story

We begin our journey with the Spectaculator

Pushing off the coast of Ireland
He soon ran into the Creep, was captured, and then escaped
Sailing across the Atlantic Ocean, he had a run-in with the Kraken
Strangely, saved by the Creep
The Spectaculator continued sailing on to the Mexico
But not before having quite the ordeal
In the Bermuda Triangle, nearly dying of dehydration
We learned a little of the Creep's past
Who he was
And what he came from
But who is this new character

A 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 go
Yeah
They love to hem and haw
Before they have to work all day (yes we do)
They take their time, I know they do
So I'll deduct their pay
5-4-3-2-1 cha-ching
They don't even realize it's missing
Such Losers

Well here I am, in my plane
I got no-where else to go (nowhere else to go)
But down you see cause what I see
Is just your average Joe (average Joe)
My son the Creep and I will jump
And go attack his boat (boat)
Just before I get strapped in
I hand him all these notes

You hold on to these
While, you and I ... fall
Let's get set to go
It's a beautiful day
And I
Ain't done with the foe, die
Watch out for that boat, hey
And you oughta know, yeah
And you were supposed to lock him up in your cage

Well how did I end up here free fallin' with my dad
He's obsessed, but so am I we've both gone a little mad
Although we've got a job to do
I must play my part
And there he is, the Spectaculator
Well now how do you do

A big 'ole battered boat
A belly's emptied bloat
A body beaten though I'm still breathin'
I've been better and I'm broke

But here I am you Creep
I've sailed the ocean deep
No more runnin', you've shown your cunnin'
And I'm really lacking sleep

I'm stayin' here this time
I'm making up my mind
I'll have you know since you're my foe
That I'm really at my prime

Check out my magic hat
As I pull out a rat
He'll run your way and make you say
I should have let you pass

So why don't you and daddy
Run along now little laddie
For now I'm ready my hand is steady
And it's time to beat some baddies

It's all or nothing now
Time to make myself a vow
I'm gonna win in the end
Gotta end these guys somehow I avowed

One day they'll be a time
When all you've learned must be applied
You'll have no choice, except to fight
You'll have to stand for what is right

I've trained my whole life
For this moment now
Master was always right
He always knew somehow

Today is now the time
There's no more need to run and hide
I choose to stay, I choose to fight
And all I've learned shall now be tried

Ooh hiding, running, fighting
You might as well just stop
We are coming
We know you can be bought

This time, you'll be, our prey
A willing customer
The end is near
For all you have there sir

Your time is running out
Give us all that you have
This time you'll see
That no one has your back

Tired, hungry, desperate
Defenseless and alone
You'll pay your debt
You'll give us all you own

You can't break me
You can't take me
I remember master's training
All those times that he would teach me
Proper form while my strength was gaining

You'll have no chance you should give up
They are too strong you've no backup
All those times that you ran away
Now just lay down and start to pray

Master help me
I have been running away
I am ready to fight
I must prove you were right on this day

Proverbs of old
Sweet memories
Thoughts from the past
All I've been told
Master's stories
I realize my power at last

Those old stories
In the evening
By the fire
With my master
He'd tell me
How to summon
The power within

Flashbacks from an ancient time
They will show me the way
Show me how to move and fight back
How to fight my two enemies
Pictures from old Ireland
I can see warriors fighting and
I will mimick all the movements dating back to then

I begin to fight
And although I know It's Mexico
This is ground my ground for now
So I'll stand right here and I'll be right there
I came all the way Ireland to get here
Not to fight a couple of punks
But because I wanna see the world
Sails unfurled now knuckles curled, girls

Who you callin' girl, man
And why you think you are a pearl, man
I could take you, I could break you
I could throw you, wanna punch you make you hurl, man
So now, why don't you give up and live up to your past
The runnin' you're done in it's comin' for you son
I'm cunning, and this Creep is gunning for stunning you

I can you both, listen here
Maybe I've been runnin'
But now I'm 'bout to summon
The magic in this hat, black hat, black magic brah
The magic is back
And I'm about to attack
This'll be fast, though you may have asked
This is the time that you'll be in last, Creep

Listen to your words boy, gotta work boy
Try me, pry me, why the Tai-Chi
If you really wanna fight the Creep
You're gonna have to try to get by me
You say catch you later
I say no Spectaculator
If a fight is what you want
Then my style, I'll have to flaunt

I'm trying to hit you (na na boo boo baby boy)
My fist goes right through (peek-a-boo, now I see you)
How do you move (one-two, skip to my Lou)
Before I do (na na boo boo baby boy)

How are they dodging everything

I have to be victorious
If not to get back home
I shall be glorious
I'm on my own

Where am I
Is this a dream
Was I asleep
Ouch my spleen

Master, please help me
It's time for the power of the ancients
Now let it begin

Ooh, the ancients of Ireland be on my side
Awaken the beast, my master's wrath

Ooh, haha haha ha, here we go, haha haha ha

Hey boy, hand me that toothbrush when you done with it

I can see a little smirk
On the Creep's face and the Omnious'
I can see them laugh and smile
I think they're having fun with all this raucous
And am I just fighting by myself
They aren't returning what I have dealt

Why, I just don't understand
Why, I just don't understand, why, why

And here we have the Spectaculator all shaken and confused
How is it that he summoned all his might to conquer the father son duo
And not even land a single blow
Only to be knocked out with a swift punch right in the kisser
That's gonna hurt in the morning

Oh you walk into the ocean why don't you
It's obvious we think you need to cool right down
Cause we've been trying to reach you
About your car's extended warranty
Have you heard of our offer
It covers up to five years or 60,000 miles
Whichever comes first

Why did you catch me
For the warranty
Why did you cage me
That was just some sticks you saw in front of you
Why did you intimidate
Our selling's aggressive
Why did you eat all my candy
I can't help I have a sweet tooth
Why did you follow me
I had to protect a future customer

Great job son
You're going to make such a great salesman
It's time for me to leave now
I have to get back to the office
And put out some fires

Were gonna have a real good time tonight

Well it looks like the Creep and the Spectaculator
Might have made friends with each other
This whole time the Creep, and his dad, the Ominous
Have just been trying to sale the Spectaculator
An extended warranty for his automobile
Not fight him or lock him up in a cage
Considering the Creep saved the Spectaculator from the Kraken
Boy did the Spectaculator completely get it wrong

I thought, this whole time
That you both, were my foes

We're not your enemy
Just offering a warranty
You never know
Till your car is broke

Oh-woah
Oh-ah-oh-wah-oh
Ooh-woo-yeah yeah yeah
Oh-wah-oh-wah-oh
Oky-doky

Hey, hey you wanna go get some tacos

credits

from The Spectaculator, released September 1, 2022

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Blake Hobson Charlotte, North Carolina

Blake Hobson is a music writer, studio performer, and a recording/mixing/mastering engineer based out of Charlotte, North Carolina.

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